Punch Gun

Superbowl is like a car crash. I can’t help but rubberneck. Although I was proud of myself for not watching Madonna’s self-serving half-time show. I even skipped the last quarter. *pat self on back*

Walking through the parklot at Wegman’s after a shopping trip, one of their helpful lads asked me if he can walk me to my car. I replied, “Actually, I’m trying to find it.”

Went to PF Chang’s with the family tonight for “Fun Friday”. Got a lamb dish but it didn’t come with what it was suppose to come with like it said on the menu. Lazy fucks!

I lost my phone at the grocery store tonight.

My son, knowing my penchant for cursing, said, “You can use bad words because I know you’re upset about losing your phone.”

Hitler didn’t have video games, heavy metal music, or hardcore pornography.

But he still loved killing people.

I can’t describe how much Oprah Winfrey disgusts me.

In other news…my son poked his nose with a pencil while doing homework.

Bought the kids name brand shoes today. A harbinger of things to come.

From now on, I will post something everyday…

My daughter just told me that her fishing teacher had a bait hooked onto his ear once.

For anyone who likes to publicize the details of their everyday lives to their Facebook friends: nobody gives a shit about you, what you think, how you feel, what you had for lunch, or how great your kids are, because they’re not. My kids are better.

God is like that lamentable, absentee parent: always telling you what to do, but is never around to be a good role model.